Nearing midnight and a couple whiskey and cokes seem to always bring it out: the imposter syndrome.
All artists go through it, and usually it's just a funk we work through but boy is it rough. I've been fortunate in my artistic journey, I'm constantly looking to improve and I challenge myself to not be perfect but to GROW. Which, I have grown! I can look at where I was a few years ago and see the progress but that nagging feeling I'm somehow cheating or lying to everyone peaks its nasty head out of the shadows and it.crushes.you.
I recently posted about looking for pre show commissions for heroes con and I was flooded with responses. I've set up quite a few great pieces to work on and I can not shake that damn feeling. I'm confident in my ability and I believe these illustrations will rock but I'm still shaken that I dont deserve this success. Maybe somehow all of this work I've done hasn't warranted any positive response.
Which I know isnt true.
Maybe it's because as an artist I set my goals a little outside of my reach and I plan to fail knowing that my best now will only be a footnote in the coming years. I aim high knowing that any potential failures will only typify the hard work I'm willing to put in and that beloved affirmation we all desperately crave is coming. Maybe, I dont know but what I do know is that writing about it helps. We are flooded by social media with perfection. We always see the end product and not the hard work and failure that lead to it.
This post isnt trying to build sympathy but to show no matter where you are in life imposter syndrome may be a symptom of hard work and its NORMAL. We all battle these demons and the best thing you can do is fight through them.
Redraw that commission, have a great idea and scrap it for a better one, just create...it. The only person you should compare yourself to is you from yesterday and that's all that matters.
Anyway, time to sleep a bit to prepare for hitting the snooze button but if you are fighting imposter syndrome know you aren't alone and whatever you create, it will be worth it. I promise you it will be worth it.
(Recent commission that had to deal with my mood swings)